The immense gratitude to songs for being able to transport me to days past
Having to leave college in five days. Pack up, say goodbye to people, a place, a feeling that’s become as much a home as home can really be when you’re 20.
The bitterness over changed plans. Changed summers, changed semesters, changed friendships. I felt entitled to a certain sort of control.
The gracefulness and generosity of people around me.
How, even when the clock was ticking, we all collectively decided to spend several hours watching the sun go down and the stars come out. With no time left, it finally felt like there was time enough to linger.
How much I do not want to be wearing jeans. This is not the moment for 100% cotton raw denim. This is the moment for turtlenecks and sweatpants and oversized button downs and socks with slippers. This is the moment for slip dresses layered with college sweatshirts, leggings and favorite tee shirts.
How fast my relationship with technology could change. I am so lucky to get to take classes. So lucky to get to talk with friends, to spend hours on the phone, to be in group calls with people I don’t know, unified around the shared experience of wanting to talk with somebody. How much my head aches after looking at the screen, how I cling to headlines but feel a sinking sense of dread looking at Instagram stories, even when they show art and hope.
How delicious home cooked food really is. HUDS could never. To be fair, I saw this one coming, but I am continuously amazed.
How creativity ebbs and flows. One moment I want to make it all, write and sew and snap photos of everything. The next I’m under my covers in bed, not even wanting to respond to texts because it all just feels like too much.
Really, never saw any of this coming.